Lost Little Lamb

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.                                                      Luke 15:1-7

Harrison,
Jesus gives us the parable above to remind us of the character of God-that He is dedicated to the lost, to pursuing them, finding them, and bringing them home. It shows us that He will do whatever it takes to find the one lost lamb out of the hundred, even if the other ninety-nine are safe and sound. Isn’t that just another beautiful illustration of how good our Father in Heaven is? It sets everything in perspective. And while I will grieve the loss of you here in this life, on this earth, I still have hope because you are not truly lost. This isn’t the end. You have already been found, safe, and it is our job here as followers of Jesus to find the missing lambs, and show them Jesus’ love for them by how we love them. 

I can’t believe it’s been four months since we said goodbye to you. There are so many moments, each and every day where I feel like you are my little lost lamb, and I am desparate to find you, hold you, and never let you go. But because I am a daughter of the one true King, I am reminded that you are not lost, little lamb. You are found. In perfect grace and beauty you are safe, loved, and home. 

When one person is missing the whole world seems empty. -Pat Schweibert

So while I grieve your loss, there is a greater loss to be grieved-those little lambs who truly are lost. Since you are found, my life’s devotion should be to focus on shining so brightly with Jesus’ love and power, pointing those lost little lambs to their Heavenly Father. It’s His heart, so shouldn’t it be mine as well?

Harrison, I want your brief life to leave a powerful, long lasting mark on the work God is doing here on earth to seek out the lost little lambs. I pray that He use our family to bring others to His feet, that our grieving and our journey to healing bring nothing but glory to Him. 

I am reading a book with my fifth grade students right now called Wonder by R J Palacio. It’s an unbelievable book, and this is my third time reading it. There is a quote in it by Dr. Wayne Dyer that reads, “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.” Choose kind. I love this quote so much, as it speaks to the character of Jesus. He is so kind. 

Harrison, I want my kindness to be louder than my pain. I want my pain to be used to show His grace and crazy loving kindness that He longs to lavish on all of his little lambs, that He will never be satisfied with the ninety-nine while one is still missing. We are His children, sweet baby boy. Even as a flawed, human mother, I can understand that desperate desire to find what is lost. 

So even though I ache for missing you, long to find you and hold you tightly, I can still rejoice because you are not lost. You are not the one lamb missing, my beautiful son. And we will one day be reunited with you, with all of the other as children and co-heirs with Christ and in His kingdom forever. All of us, found little lambs with our Shepherd.  We have so much life ahead, Harrison. It is never the end for us who believe.

It’s still so hard, my little baby boy. I love you and miss you always. To Heaven and back, I love you so. 

Mommy

A Camellia planted for you, given by your BMama and Pop. We love you, little lamb.